New perspective on a reread...

Anyone who knows me knows that I read a lot.  I try to read as many books as I can get my hands on, and I especially like reading something that I've never read before.  But sometimes, you can get so much out of a reread.  I just finished rereading Evvy's Civil War by Miriam Brenaman, and I think the experience taught me as much, or more, about myself than about the time period.  Don't get me wrong, it is a well-written, well-researched book, but I had read it before, so many of the facts had stayed with me.  However, the true intent of the book, perhaps, had been lost on a younger me.  I remember bemoaning the lack of romance, but now I think it was expertly done.  It tells the story of a girl becoming a woman just as the Civil War is brewing.  You see how she hates all the restrictions placed on her simply because of her gender.  Her mother was raised as a Quaker, and her father is primarily an academic, so up to this point, her view of a woman's role was rather skewed, but now she sees the reality.  At one point, she talks to her cousin about their mutual apathy towards children, and this time I can completely relate.  I'm sure at the time I first read it, I simply thought she was being immature.  She faces a lot of the same sorts of realizations about her family as Susan did in The Last Silk Dress by Ann Rinaldi, but the effect it has on her is different.  She still hates slavery, and what it has done to people she cares about, but she has visited her Northern cousins and has a broader perspective of the world; she doesn't blame it all on Southern Corruption, as Susan does.  I guess there isn't a lot more I can go into without revealing too much, but I have to say that I enjoyed watching her find her place in the world, and come to terms with what it meant for her future.  It doesn't glorify what I think of as the 'feminazi' perspective, but it does make me wonder if I would have liked being a woman in the past as much as I have sometimes thought.  I know I don't particularly like being told what to do, so maybe I would have ended up like Evvy.

When I grow up, I want to...

This semester in school I am taking a Career Explorations class.  You briefly touch on your strengths, and how they are the tools to reach our goals, and then you start the "Road Trip Nation" program that started from one TV show and has turned into a movement.  I didn't know anything about the show before this class, although I think I vaguely remember hearing about it a few times before.  The original concept was just to talk to professionals that have achieved success in their lives, and ask them how they did it; how did they choose, how did they keep going when they ran into obstacles, etc.  Today the theme was "falling asleep at the wheel," but as most things go, what struck me from the interviews we watched was a different underlying message: Assume success, commit yourself 100%, do what you are passionate about, no matter how scary it is.

For most of my life, I have been so afraid of failing, that I don't fully commit myself to anything.  If I wasn't really trying, I can't really fail.  I also avoid trying anything that I am emotionally invested in, because I know that failure would hurt even more.  This might help me avoid perceived failures, but it also means that I am avoiding true success.  I want to succeed, at whatever I do, but I am afraid of committing to anything.  It is time to work on that.

To that end, I want to start working on something that Kelly Hoffman suggested to me a few years ago: a book blog.  I may not be able to get a job at Barnes and Noble (no matter how many times I apply), but I can still put my knowledge to good use.  I am hoping to target this toward adult readers who want to read young adult books, or who are trying to find books for their children.  At this point, I was thinking I would just start with the books on my shelf, and write reviews of them.  As I read more books, I can add those, and if I start making money from the blog, I could use some of that money to get even more, etc.  If I can make this work, I would be making money by reading books and talking about them, pretty much the thing I love the most!  The criteria I was thinking I would review them on is: sexual content, adult themes, character development, plot, language (swearing), and writing (how well written it is).  I was thinking I would do a general sort of review for the story and how engaging it was etc, and then also a parents guide and recommendation.  I would love any thoughts or feedback on that!  This could take a long time to even get started, but hopefully I can get it ready for the public by the end of summer, maybe?  I mean, I have school and taekwondo, I totally need more!

Speaking of school...I like both of my classes, but I am not sure I am passionate about accounting.  Of course, I don't think I need to be passionate about a job to be satisfied with it, so I will likely work on my certificate.  The class is super easy for me, and I like the organization, and how clear-cut it is; I think I could enjoy an accounting job well enough.  We will see as I keep going with this class. :)